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Dissapointed in myself.
5 hydroxycut black pills. 3 multivitamins.
Hmm was hungry... figured ONE cup of cereal with cashew milk wouldnt kill me.
Had one more bc hungrier after that.
Binged on pannekoek with syrup.
My mom and sister were in so i had to put the shower on to hide the noise and purge as quick as possible bc I also had to shower...n cant waste too much water
Had. So. Much. Trouble
My stomach wasn't gonna give it up without a fight. After 10 min of heaving, pressing on my stomach till it hurt and biting my knuckles I had to stop and just accept the dreaded food inside me.
Counting all of that as 1,500 cal. But also gonna try for a 500 cal deficit tomorrow just to be safe.
Took 4 green coffee pills and 3 more hydroxycut pills.
A 0 cal iced tea.
I felt. So. Fucking. Fat. I thought I looked legit overweight. I couldnt see ANY sign of my ribs of any bones whatso ever. Just bubbling sticky suffocating fat.
I thought i would pass out on the train. Worst chestpains I've ever had. Actually got scared
I didnt look as fat in the mirror then... still chubby. But not obese... mustve been rlly bloated before I left. I do get kinda bloated after purging.
I was allowed 150 cal of noodles. Which I had.
Also been craving sweet all day since the brealfast b/p sesh. My sister had made fudge and pulled out a giant bag of candy. Managed to avoid it and just have a mango banana fruit salad. Couting it as 200-250 cal. Which I have to make up for tomorrow.
Been so fkn depressed and tired today.
So. 1850 cal total today.
Tomorrow I NEED to be 750 cal under.
If I exercise I get to have 1250 cal.
If not. 750 cal.
Gonna exercise probably. I hurt my leg from fainting and hitting it on a box. But hgggh.
I might be too busy to think about food tomorrow tho. Fingers crossed.
Edit! Tmi warning
HAHAHA I THOUGHT I HAD CONTROL NOW
NOPE. 1:30AM BINGED PURGED FUCKING ICING SUGAR.
I saw my dinner from hours ago im ther too....so i hope it got it mostly out??? It's rlllly difficult to tell with icing sugar. It comes out at a clear sort of like...mucus.
The only way to know that youre puking it up is if your puke tastes sweet.
The more u kno